Forgiveness is one of those things that is both deeply spiritual and surprisingly physical. It is not only a command from God. It is a gift that brings healing to the whole person: spirit, mind, and body. In her coaching at Crisis to Comfort, Ann McGaver returns to forgiveness again and again, because so much of what weighs people down is rooted in an old wound they've never been able to release.
Why forgiveness is not optional
In the Christian life, forgiveness is not a suggestion. It is essential. Jesus made this strikingly clear:
"For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14–15, NKJV)
That is strong language. Forgiveness is not only about the other person. It is about your own relationship with God. And yet, anyone who has been deeply wounded knows how hard it is. When someone hurts us, everything in us wants justice, distance, or even revenge. God calls His people to something higher, something that doesn't come naturally.
"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:31–32, NKJV)
Notice the phrase "even as God in Christ forgave you." Believers forgive not because people have earned it, but because they have been forgiven beyond measure. The standard is not the other person's worthiness. It is the grace already received.
Unforgiveness is a weight the body feels
Here is where forgiveness gets practical. It doesn't only free the spirit. It affects the body. When a person holds on to unforgiveness, it creates stress, tension, and a constant low-grade emotional burden. Scripture described this long before anyone studied it:
"A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones." (Proverbs 17:22, NKJV)
A heart weighed down by bitterness wears on the whole person. Unforgiveness keeps us locked in a cycle, replaying the hurt, reliving the pain, and carrying a load God never intended us to carry. The psalmist gave a vivid picture of what internal distress can feel like:
"When I kept silent, my bones grew old through my groaning all the day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my vitality was turned into the drought of summer." (Psalm 32:3–4, NKJV)
That passage is about unconfessed sin, not unforgiveness specifically, but the principle carries over: spiritual and emotional burdens we won't put down don't stay neatly in the soul. They show up in the body, the sleep, and the nervous system. This is part of why Ann pays attention to the thoughts a person rehearses about the people who hurt them, much like she describes in Why Your Thoughts Matter More Than You Think.
What forgiveness actually is
A lot of people resist forgiveness because they misunderstand it. Forgiveness is not saying that what happened was okay. It is not pretending it didn't hurt. It is not necessarily restoring trust right away, and it is not the same as reconciliation. Forgiveness is a decision to release the debt, to let go of the right to hold the offense against the person.
"Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do." (Colossians 3:13, NKJV)
When a person genuinely releases that debt, something shifts. The body relaxes a little. The mind quiets. The heart softens. The hurt may not vanish, but the grip of it loosens. Jesus offers exactly this kind of relief:
"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28, NKJV)
Some people are carrying the heavy weight of unforgiveness right now, and Jesus is saying they don't have to carry it anymore.
Forgiveness as a daily choice
One of the most freeing truths is that forgiveness is not a one-time feeling. It is often a daily choice. You may forgive, and then have to forgive again when the memory resurfaces a week later. That is not a sign the forgiveness failed. It is simply how healing works. You keep choosing freedom each time the offense comes back to mind.
And when you forgive, you are not only releasing the other person. You are releasing yourself. You are choosing peace over pain, healing over hurt, and obedience over offense. Jesus tied forgiveness directly to the ordinary rhythm of prayer:
"And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses." (Mark 11:25, NKJV)
"Whenever you stand praying." Forgiveness is meant to be a regular part of the walk with God, not a rare, dramatic event.
A practical place to start
If you sense the Holy Spirit bringing someone to mind, that is a good place to begin. Bring that person before the Lord. Speak their name if you need to. And pray something honest: "Lord, I choose to forgive. Help my heart catch up with my decision." That last line matters, because the decision usually comes before the feeling. The emotions follow over time.
Forgiveness is not weakness. It is strength. It is not losing. It is gaining freedom. And it is not only spiritual. It brings healing to the whole of life. This is the same renewal Ann points clients toward in Romans 12:2, where the mind is transformed rather than left to rehearse the same old wounds.
If you are carrying a hurt you can't seem to put down, you don't have to sort it out alone. Ann McGaver offers a free 30-minute consultation. No pressure, no judgment, just a conversation about what you're carrying and whether coaching might help. She works with individuals and couples in Coeur d'Alene in person and in all 50 states via telehealth. You can book a free consultation online or call Ann directly at (208) 819-0565. To learn more about her background first, the about page has the full picture.
If you're in crisis right now, please call or text 988 (the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) or go to your nearest emergency room. A coaching consultation is the right next step when you're not in immediate danger.