Getting engaged is exciting. The ring, the announcement, the venue tours, the family calls. Most couples pour months of planning into the wedding itself and very little into the marriage that starts the day after. That gap is worth naming honestly, because the wedding lasts a day and the marriage is supposed to last a lifetime.
Premarital counseling isn't about fixing problems before they start. It's about understanding each other more deeply so both partners can build something that lasts. Good preparation doesn't signal that a relationship is fragile. It signals that both people take the relationship seriously enough to give it every advantage.
One of the most respected tools for that kind of preparation is the SYMBIS assessment, short for Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, developed by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. Ann McGaver is a Certified SYMBIS Facilitator and walks couples through the entire process, from the assessment itself to the conversations that follow.
What SYMBIS stands for and how it works
SYMBIS stands for Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. It's an online assessment that each partner takes individually, and it takes most people about thirty minutes to complete. The two sets of answers are combined into a single, detailed report that maps how the two partners fit together across the areas that shape a marriage most.
It isn't a pass or fail test. There are no wrong answers, and no couple is scored on whether they're "ready." Think of it as a mirror. It reflects the unique dynamics of one specific relationship back to the two people living inside it, often with a clarity they haven't had before.
What the SYMBIS assessment covers
The report digs into the places couples most often run into friction, usually long after the wedding:
- Communication styles and where they tend to clash
- Conflict resolution tendencies and patterns under stress
- Expectations around finances and money management
- Family backgrounds and how they shape relationship patterns
- Intimacy and emotional connection
- Shared values and spiritual alignment
- Personality dynamics and how they complement or challenge each other
What makes the assessment valuable is that it surfaces the things most couples never talk about until those things become problems. Money scripts inherited from childhood. Assumptions about holidays. Unspoken expectations about roles, rest, or parenting. Couples often discover they have been operating on very different definitions of the same word.
What happens after you take the assessment
Ann reviews the full report before the first session and then meets with the couple for a series of conversations, typically three to five, to walk through the findings together. Each session focuses on a different slice of the report. She helps the couple understand their strengths as a pair, identify potential blind spots, build communication tools they can use from day one, and align on expectations before those expectations harden into assumptions.
Scripture grounds this process for couples who want it to. Proverbs 20:18 (NKJV) puts it plainly:
"Plans are established by counsel."
Seeking guidance before marriage is a sign of wisdom, not weakness. The couples who ask for help early tend to be the couples who keep asking for help when it's most needed.
Who should consider SYMBIS
SYMBIS fits a wider range of couples than most people assume:
- Engaged couples at any stage of the engagement
- Couples who are seriously dating and considering engagement
- Couples who have done premarital counseling before but want a deeper, data-driven look at their relationship
- Couples in a second marriage or blended family situation who want to start with a stronger foundation this time
Ann offers SYMBIS both in person in Coeur d'Alene and via telehealth for couples anywhere in the U.S. or internationally.
Why couples say they wish they'd done this sooner
A common reaction after walking through the SYMBIS report is some version of, "I had no idea we'd never actually talked about that." The surprise usually isn't a deal-breaker. It's a conversation the couple didn't know they needed to have, surfaced in a safe space with a facilitator who knows how to guide it.
The insights tend to strengthen the relationship rather than shake it. Both partners walk away with a clearer picture of who they are together, a shared vocabulary for the places friction will show up, and more confidence heading into marriage. That confidence is hard to manufacture later. It's much easier to build it in before the wedding.
Marriage is worth preparing for. A handful of hours with SYMBIS can give a couple insights that serve their relationship for decades. The assessment itself is a small investment compared with what it tends to protect.
Ann offers a free 30-minute consultation for any couple interested in learning more about SYMBIS or couples counseling more broadly. You can book a free consultation online or call Ann directly at (208) 819-0565. If you'd like to read more about her background first, the about page has the full picture.